How do you get an elephant out of a tree? Stand it on a leaf and wait until Autumn.
What kind of elephants live at the North Pole? Cold ones.
What is convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds? An elephant six-pack.
What is the difference between an Indian and an African elephant? About three thousand miles.
What do elephants take when they get hysterical? Trunkquilizers.
What is the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper? You can't make a paper airplane out of an elephant.
How do elephants talk to each other? By 'elephone.
What is grey, has large wings, a long nose, and gives money to elephants? The Tusk Fairy.
Where do elephants with skincare problems go? Pachydermatologists.
What's red & white on the outside, and grey on the inside? Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup.
What do you get if you take an elephant into the city? Free parking
What do you call two elephants on a bicycle? Optimistic.
What do you get if you take an elephant into work? Sole use of the elevator.
How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub? His bike is outside.
How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub? There's a dent in the cross-bar.
How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub? Stand on the bike and look in the window.
Why did the elephants wear pink T-shirts? They were all on the same team.
Why do elephants have wrinkles? You can't iron an elephant
What's the difference between elephants and grapes? Grapes are purple.
What's the difference between an elephant and peanut butter? An elephant doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth.
What do you call an elephant with a machine gun? Sir.
What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
Anything you want - he can't hear you.
What would you get if Batman and Robin were run over by a herd of stampeding
elephants? Flatman and Ribbon.
There was an old man in France who used to get up every morning at five A.M. He would then go and sprinkle a white powder on the roads. When he was asked what he was sprinkling on the roads, he answered that it was elephant powder. The person then remarked "But everybody knows that there are no elephants in France!" to which he answered "I guess it must be working then!"
It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to none, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?" The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."
There once was a tiger who woke up one morning feeling just GREAT! (Yes, just like Tony the Tiger: GRRRRREAT). Anyway, he just felt so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him: "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?" And the poor quaking little monkey replied: "You are, of course. No one is mightier than you."
A little while later the tiger confronted a deer, and bellowed: "WHO IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?" The deer was shaking so hard it could barely speak, but managed to stammer: "Oh, great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle."
The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered up to an elephant that was quietly munching on some tree leaves, and roared at the top of his voice: "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE?" The elephant grabbed the tiger with his trunk, picked him up, slammed him down, picked him up again, and shook him until the tiger was just a blur of orange and black. Then he threw him into a nearby tree.
The tiger staggered to his feet, looked at the elephant and said: "Man, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so angry!!"
